to this special A

Assalamualaikum.

it's been a long looooooooooooong time since i didn't update my blog. but HELLO. im back. taraaaa.
okay, its been a very tough-busy year, though with all the books, exams, pencils, pens, teachers and crushes. crushes? i mean Crush.
no.
'es'.
I'm soooooooo gonna bang my self up if I'd saw him.
he had gave me
HEART ATTACK
LACK OF OXYGEN
COLD HANDS
SHIVERING HANDS
DROPPED MY JAWS.
Can't you see how cruel he was. i mean he IS.
If every belieber is busy chasing their Justin Bieber, i would be busying my self by chasing my Mr.Crush which is never gonna happen cause i'm too insecure to do that. insecure always CAUSE a problem.
same goes when Louis William Tomlinson is infront of me which that will Never ever ever gonna happen. if that happens, i'll go to Louie first, Mr.Crush is my second destination. he he he. how to describe my Crush?
I dont know. if you are being me, you'll know.  he is my sunshine. ohmy, if he knew that I like him so much it hurts, i'll be so crazy-insane-mad like will be screaming 24/7 hours nonstop like HELLO UNIVERSE, MY CRUSH DO KNOW MY EXISTANCE and then faint and have an amnesia. how on earth am i going to cover my face if HE KNOWS THAT I LIKE HIM SO MUCH WORDS EITHER ACTION CANT DESCRIBE. im tooooooooooooooo I to the N to the S to the E yes yknow what is it.

p/s: I dont want to bother his bloody perfect life. even once.

love,
dina x

Hijrah

Yes, 2013. tahun penghijrahanku.
people may say
'eleh kau, bajet2 jerrr.'
'relax lah, kita remaja lagi'
'bapak alim siot kau'
and more.

Itu ORANG LAIN yang kata

My Parents kata
'ibu bangga dengan adik'
'ayah bangga dengan adik'

Al-Quran kata

"Sesungguhnya Allah menyukai orang-orang yang taubat dan menyukai orang-orang yang mensucikan diri." (QS. Al Baqarah: 222).

So?
Orang lain tak menentukan diri kita ni untuk masuk ke syurga atau neraka.
tapi diri kita sendiri.
It's starting from YOURSELF. Or should I say OURSELF. You choose.

Dear Brother.

okay, maybe kali ni aku post pasal something yang agak touching sikit. haha. jarang nak tengok aku berjiwang cenggini. ceceh. k.

Dear, Muhammad Haikal Asri.

and i know, you'll be like 

duhh, i said that to me too. ah. but who cares? 

I was hoping that you will be like my friend's brother. 

I was.

I was.

and, I am. 

I'm really hoping. 

but..

I've been wondering, why you hate me so much?

what makes you hate me?

Is it because the way I'm laughing? singing? talking? breathing?

or you hate me just the way I am?

I may not good as your girls friends. not cute as them. 

but please,

just please. 

Im a human. I have a heart. I have feelings.

Dont treat me like Im not.

Is it because im your sister? then you need to hate me?

Im a pathetic girl.

IM THE WORST GIRL ALIVE.

even my brother hates me.

"I remember that day when you said that Im your maid. you said that in front of your friends. yes, you did. did you know what im feeling inside? did you know how many nights i've been wasted my tears just because of you. it may sounds stupid to you. I know. you said that im not your real sister. your sister is dead. im adopted. Im ugly. is it so hard to treat me just like the other brothers did to their sisters? to protect? where are you? it really hurts."

And,

you said.

You never have a sister like me. 

sincerely, a stranger inside your parents' house.

0228

okay, my watch shows 228 AM. now and im, still awake. I cant sleep. WHY? because i havent finish my homeworks YET. bila nak siapkan? tunggu cikgu datang my house pulas telinga cubit sana sini baru gerak buat kerja. and now. my stomach is singing. im soo starving. can anybody get me food? okay. ini dah gila namanya. tak tidur tidur dan meraung mintak makanan. kau ingat kau bayi ke? okay. enough. done.

:) Hijrah

LET'S CHANGE FOR ALLAH. ONLY FOR HIM. NOT OUR PARENTS. NOT OUR FAMILY. NOT OUR CRUSH. NOT OUR BOYFRIEND. NOT OF TWITTER. BUT BECAUSE OF ALLAH. done.

insecurities.

so, here it is. this is what i feel THE MOST.

yeah, its not. I WANT TO BE PRETTY GORGEOUS HOT OR SO WHAT EVER IN EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. i just, want to be pretty ONCE. once is enough. I've took about 100 million pictures of myself and there's only one of them that seems good. 

and that's why im really good in crying. i've started to cry whenever my insecurities comes. feels like i dont want to be in school. and that's also the reason why I HATE TO HANGOUT.  I HATE TO TAKE A WALK. I HATE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.  INSECURE. 

and, what i hate most is. WHEN IM ALL ALONE AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME. and when my friends ask me what's wrong with me. i was like. ...................... if i tell you, you will hate me. then my tears start to falling on my cheeks. and i felt like im THE WORST GIRL ALIVE. 

DONE.

everything.

Assalamualaikum, Haters? yeah, your life wont be fun if there's no haters. Just like when you are playing the snake game in level 1. kinda boring right? without haters, you will not know the meaning of STRONG and BRAVE. yeah, maybe you had a fight with John Cena or maybe Randy Orton and you WON. You WON physically. not mentally. note that. The conclusion is, Love your haters. They have make you become more strong and brave enough. yknow, to live aren't very easy. You have to face that the one you love most not loving you back. Friends that talk shit behind you. Teachers that always finding your mistakes to embarrassed you in front of all your friends and schoolmates. parents that don't understand your feelings. brother that doesnt even care about you. sister that always annoyed you all the time, blames you all the time. boyfriend that makes your heart broken into pieces. but when you lived up your life, you will know the sweet  taste of life. the most important thing is. dont walk away from ALLAH :). remember, he always there for you. no matter what. cause he is your GOD. and, try to accept the truth well okay? well, life will becomes easier if you learn to accept. You watched a lot of movies right? and if you saw the heroes were not going to accept the truth, you will be like 'TERIMA JE LAH' 'WOI APAHAL KAU TAK TERIMA' and others. its because you know what will happen next. aren't you? so, that's what happening IN REAL LIFE. We wont know what will happen next then we just gonna deny the truth and rebelled it. cmon people. wake up from your long sleep. This real life is not the BARBIE STORIES that always have an happy ending. and stop blaming to the others. done.